My good day..

Well it's been awhile since I've been able to blog, or really since I have had time to blog. This has been a wonderful outlet for me to put my thoughts down, and I have had alot to think about. Since my last blog my son turned two, my oldest son came to live with me. My mom continues to be the focus of my life, most of my thoughts and concerns center around her and how she is doing. This November 28th will be two years since my father left this world to go on to a better life. Time has not made it easier to deal with his passing and I still find myself crying over his loss. This past week I did what I have said to myself I would never do I went to see a lady who says she can see the ones that have passed on. I am the biggest skeptic when it comes to these kind of things, but mind was changed on that day. It started with a phone call to her business, of all things she runs a photograph studio for a living so this is as she states something she does to help people such as myself deal with the passing of loved ones. I go to my 3:00 pm appointment with thoughts of turning around and going home. Something tells me go to the appointment, if I walk away I will forever be left with the thought of What If?
Ok, I compose myself and walk through her doors not knowing what to expect, the office, yes, office is normal looking, what whas I expecting? Maybe pictures of I don't know what, what I find is pictures of normal looking families, photography studio right? Yes, that's what it is filled with smiles of people, happy looking people. So I knock on her door, then there she is, normal looking by all accounts, pretty brown eyes, brown hair, I am guessing around 40. She greets me, Julie right? Yes, I gave her my name when I made the appointment, no guessing there. She tells me in a laughing voice, your aura is all over the place, calm down, nothing to be nervous about. Ok, I'm here just do this. Sit down she says and points to a normal looking chair, I sit and start to think negative thoughts, like what am I doing here? Ok, she says, all I need is your father's birthday...Hmmm.... I pause...September 4, no year given. She then gives me some cards to shuffle and then instructs me to pick out eight cards....so I do what she requests... she takes them from me and then proceeds to lay them down in front of me..The first thing she says..I am having problems breathing...your father is showing me hard to breath, this is why he passed..I am taken back by this, my father's lung collasped I tell her, she states, he wanted to leave, he was ready, he says you know this. I catch my breath, this is true...he told me the night he was admitted to the hospital he wanted to leave...I asked the hospital? he says no, I want to die, it's time. What does a daughter say to her father when he says this? Next card, you have your fathers truck? Shit, I think how does she know this, she proceeds, he is gesturing you need to turn it on, it's just sitting there.. she is right it has not been moved in a couple of months. I see him wearing a hat with a brim... he is showing me pictures...you have a picture of him in this hat and he is around 18 or 20. Again, she is right there is a picture of him at home when he was around 20, wearing a brim hat, he was a lowrider in his youth. I start to cry at this point, I feel she is seeing him, I long to see him. I cry as I type this out, so much pain... anyway, she says your father was around 60 when he passed, again I catch my breath..he was 61, he had just turned 61 two months he passed. She proceeds..you have one brother...your father says he is taking this hard, he's not suicidal but has thought a part of him died with your father...he is living with regret, and guilt. Your father says you need to tell him to let go and forgive himself for this, as your father has forgiven him. She knows too much I think, I am scared of what else dad is saying. She is right, one brother who is not dealing with his death well. She proceeds, he talks to your father at the cemetary...your dad says not to talk to him there, the other spirits are listening and he does not like that..he was a private person.. she is right again. She told me much more that day but these are the things that stand out in mind... I have a sense of closure with this, I worried about my dad.. I was there the day he passed and I spent the night telling him I loved him and it was ok to let go and leave if this is what he needed to do...I always wondered if he heard me and if he knew how much I missed him and loved him...she assures me he heard you and loves you. Before you leave she states he is always with you, you talk to him alot...she is right, alot of times I drive and talk to him and I feel he is listening and answering me at times. He says you just have to call, he's there. I still don't know if I totally believe there are alot of people with this gift, but I believe this day she was talking to my father. I now sleep just a little better knowing he is there and he is ok... I love you dad.....I love you...
julia