one more day

Life seems so short and so long at times, I dont know if that makes sense to anyone but me but that is the way I feel sometimes. I have family members that I do not understand and I am sure do not understand me. Today it was another wasted day at work and I left work wondering if I was ever going to catch up with my work. I go to school on Thursdays and I am finding it hard to balance my life or rather time between work and my family and school. I have been in school a little over seven months now and it seems to have all gone in a blur. I long for day that I do not have to worry about the thirty clients I take care of, I manage their services, I have been in the field now sixteen years and at times I am absorbed by their needs and wants. Life is strange, I deal with alot of individuals with many needs and I am only one link in their life. Family has eluded most of them, or having family in their lives to provide support. I find myself wondering how people could walk away from their blood. I was talking to a friend who is studying the bible and I had so many questions for him, he answered so many things I had always wondered about now I need to find the link I need. I know I need to put more faith in God and allow him to completely take over or shall I say hand over my pain and put all my faith in his hands. I know he is there I cannot count how many times he has made himself visible to me. I have seen his beauty in so many ways, in the eyes of my individuals, in my son's eyes, in my husband's love, in my children's laughter in my mom's hugs. I rant on like a crazy person at times, my thoughts run from A to Z and sometimes it does not stop to make sense not even to me. I get lost in my thoughts and words, I have so much to say, not much makes sense at least not to others. I was married when I was nineteen and my husband died two and half weeks after we married. I had my first born and went to custody fights with his father and I had to let go of my fight, he had more money than I did and the court dates took place five hundred miles from where I was living. I had him for the holidays and all summers, finally my ex gave him to me when he turned thirteen and he, his father admitted he only fought me to hurt me. So why can't I hate him? I hurt the ones that don't deserve it. I am a good person I took care of my grandmother, father until they passed and now I take care of my mom. I want to take care of myself but I don't know how, I am lost and scared and don't know where to turn. I hope to figure this out...sometime.
Julia